Dear Madam,
I am a Class 10 student. I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to Math. My parents want me to take PCMB but I do horribly in Maths. How do I manage this worry?
Sneha K
Dear Sneha,
Try and understand why your parents want you to do PCMB and see if their reasons appeal to you. Do you have an alternative point of view? Also, try to understand your own anxiety when it comes to math. Why do you treat math as scary and why do you predict that you will not do well in it? Think about what may be your answers to those questions if you were to just learn the math to understand, rather than to take an exam? Would it still be such a scary subject? Very often our fears are irrational. Sometimes they stem from a belief that I must get good marks only then a subject is worthwhile. You can learn anything that you set your mind on, so you do not need to believe that you cannot do it. However, if it is something that you do not find interesting, and you are more convinced about another choice of subjects, it is okay to communicate about that with your parents and let them know your thinking.
Dear Madam,
I passed my Class 12 this year and wrote competitive exams like NEET but couldn't score required marks. Now I want to spend a year to prepare for NEET again, but I'm not happy with online coaching. I'm not able to study at home and often procrastinate by watching YouTube videos. I feel lonely, demotivated and I seem to have lost interest in studying. How do I overcome this?
Aakanksha
Dear Aakanksha,
Online classes have been a challenge for most people at this time. And things have been so overwhelming and uncertain that many people are feeling the way you are. So do not think that there is something wrong with you for feeling the way you are. Since the next exam is still some time away, I suggest you allow yourself some downtime, where you are doing things that give you joy without a feeling of guilt. The mind and body also need time to rest, recoup and recharge. I get a sense that you may be tired, and need rest, but then feel guilty about taking the time off and that defeats the purpose. Also, in your rest time do things you enjoy (passive watching of videos does not often meet that need because they are like an escape, not an engagement). Ensure you engage in some form of physical activity as well and get some fresh air. Stay connected with your friends and people whose company you enjoy, even if you must do that only virtually right now.
Dear Madam,
I am a teacher and I have a student who has trouble learning basic concepts. I suspect that he may have a learning disability. In a parent-teacher meeting, I have even discussed with his parents. Parents are not keen to acknowledge this. How do I help?
AK
Dear AK,
It is great that you are able to recognise this and have proactively spoken to the parents. Getting to the point of accepting that your child has a challenge is a journey, and not an easy one for a parent. Talking to the parents and understanding their concerns and anxieties, without judgment is important to move the parents along the path of acceptance. I am not sure if you will be able to engage with them to that extent and you may want to suggest to parents that they read about learning disabilities, see movies like Taare Zameen Par, talk to special education teachers and mental health professionals about it. Most of the time the resistance of parents comes from the fear of societal judgment of their child, societal judgment about them as parents, and their own anxieties about their child’s future. And till they come to that point, maybe you can be as supportive with the child as possible. Because every bit helps. Is there a way for the school to get an assessment done?
Dear Madam,
I am feeling very lonely nowadays since the pandemic began. My home feels restrictive, I can't even go out to play. There are many worries I have about school, particularly academics. I cannot tell this to parents and want to share with friends. If I spend more time on my phone discussing these things, my parents get angry. What do I do?
Akshay Ram
Dear Akshay,
I feel your pain, as I do that of so many others during the pandemic who are feeling lonely, anxious and overwhelmed. Different people have responded to the restrictions that the pandemic imposed on all of us differently. Some found them restrictive and suffocating, while others found them providing an opportunity to bond with the family like never before. You say you are unable to share with your parents, and I would like to ask you to think about how you have arrived at this conclusion? It is very important to be able to develop an understanding and open relationship with your parents, because truly they can give you support like no one else can. But sometimes we fear that we will be judged negatively by them. Or we don’t want to put an additional burden on them because they already have so much going on. It will be very helpful for you to be able to have an open conversation with your parents about your fears and worries, and about any of their behaviours that increase your worries.
It is important to remember that your worrying about something is not going to either make it happen, or not happen. The only thing your worrying does is stop you from living in the present moment comfortably. It will be helpful for you to talk to a counsellor as well who may help you understand your worries and fears better.