We are all outsiders. I think the one common emotion everyone has had, is that of not fitting in. The reasons can be many. The irony is even though this is a common emotion we all have experienced, we are equally quick in making the other feel like an outsider. And this is not age-specific. It starts early and can continue for life. Often there is another current that runs parallel to just wanting to “fit” in. And that is, “But why do we need to fit in”? There is a voice of rebellion that is ready to make you walk out in full swagger much like in the movies. Needless to say, these emotions can be very intense in the adolescent years. The issues can be about the ‘right’ clothes to wear to more complex issues like gender identifications etc. Then again it is only right that these emotions arise at this age. Because it truly is an age of discovery and the first steps where one is actually engaging with society as an individual.
The adolescent years are a sensitive phase as the peers that surround you are all in the same boat. Some have conformed more easily that’s all. But one’s journey of understanding one’s self becomes quite a rocky ride between the oars of one’s own mind and the expectations of society.
So the first thing to understand is you are not the only one, and no, you are not the only one who is feeling left out or lonely or lost. And it really is alright. In particular, when it comes to gender roles and identifications, this ride can be even more emotionally exhausting. But the good part is, in the present times it can be less of a bumpy ride. Till about a few years back, most young adults didn’t have the luxury, or the knowledge to acknowledge the fact that people can feel differently.
Times are changing now, there is a lot more awareness, more discussions around gender fluidity. Mindsets, even though they are still quite rigid, are opening up to ideas that encompass gender fluidity, go beyond heteronormative structures etc. This simply means there are more groups and communities you can reach out to speak to. Again you are not alone. This is probably the age, when for the very first time it will start hitting you that, society lives in airtight boxes and has the need to label each and every box. That doesn’t make everyone else the villain. One needs to understand that not everyone will understand you or get you. And that’s okay. Because the minute you begin to accept this you will learn to deal with what you need. Understand what might help you. And will help you explore avenues that are more constructive towards yourself.
Discovering your place in society, in life, is a process, nobody has it sorted out. So if you are not like your friends, whether it comes to gender identification or sexual orientation or any other thing that makes you feel different from the rest, that doesn’t make you a freak. Yes, you may be a minority, but you are not a freak. It’s important to know that. Actually, nobody is a freak.
To sum it all up, the adolescent years are very tender. And no matter what the struggles and the bumps. It’s important to remember that, nothing is perfect, it is a journey, it is important for everyone to first accept themselves. The rest is incidental. And all journeys have a high tide and a low tide.
(The writer is a comic-book artist and a musician who recently published The Rain Must Fall with Penguin India.)