When I am in a slightly naughty mood and some parents are present, I let out a little known statement-- grandparents and grandchildren have common enemies and they are parents. Before this is fully absorbed, many parents start fuming --what are you saying? Are we the enemies of our own children?
You can’t drive a car without a driving license. You can’t be a hotel chef if you haven’t done the right course. But you can be a parent without any training. Our parents brought us up and we learnt from them what right and what is wrong behaviour. Our parents didn’t know much about parenting and we continue to perpetuate that behaviour.
My experience is that grandparents and grandchildren make the best of friends. Once, I was pouring a small drink, my son announced that I was a drunkard. To get my twelve-year-old grandson to back me up, I asked him if what his father had said was true. His response “of course”. Remember the time that you stood on one leg to prove that you were not drunk. And then he explained that dad was only pulling your leg and you took him seriously.
Another example. I am a messy eater and I drop a bit of food while I am eating. My granddaughter will drop her food and say, “see what you have done”. However, if someone came to visit us, her behaviour would be prim and proper. The children are sensitive enough to discriminate between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.
Did my parents teach me the technique of parenting? No way. I read an article on the subject and the net learning was to bring up the children with unconditional love until they are five or six years old. And then until they are about sixteen or seventeen, nurture with structure. That means laying down the rules of the game, get their nod, and shake hands. And if there is a breach of protocol, have a chat and most likely they will own up to their mistake. And the next stage of their lives, stop being a parent and become a friend.
This may be time for reflection for most of us. Educator Charles Swindoll had this to say. “Each day, we make deposits on the minds of our children. Let those deposits be friendly”