If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive said Mother Teresa. Like her, many saints, gurus and spiritual teachers have often said that if anyone misbehaves with you or indulges in mudslinging and character-assassination, you should forgive such a person and forget about his misdemeanour.
The question that most of us would naturally have is that if we forgive such evil-doer’s and forget about their malicious campaigns, will we not be letting many mad bulls run amok? But what we should understand is that if the tendencies to be evil or misbehave are within tolerable limits and are not likely to be boosted by our forgiveness and if the person expresses sincere regret and apologies after deep realisation of his evil acts, then we should forgive and forget.
Otherwise, we should take preventive, non-violent, non-aggressive steps that do not downgrade our worth as a human being. Remember that vengeance, vindictiveness, violence, virulent acts, vile and guile or wickedness and wrongdoing are not the ways of a noble-minded person.
The power to forgive comes from compassion, which means we should compassionately and peacefully move forward with what is good, towards what is better. But before we start to forgive others, we must learn to forgive ourselves, otherwise the process of releasing the burden would neither begin nor progress.
Forgiving ourselves means letting go of the past. But it also means not making the same mistakes again and again; not inventing convenient ways to excuse ourselves. A person who has hardened his own heart against others cannot feel even God’s forgiveness and compassion. Hence, if we want to be forgiven, then we must be willing to forgive first — one who does so first not only proves his justice, but especially his love. That is why it is said: ‘A life well lived is your best revenge’.
So, instead of focusing on your wounds, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain the power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.