One of two conversations follows every time a Lucknow person tells someone they're from Lucknow. They've tried Tunday Kebabi, which means they'll rave about it for ten minutes. Or they haven't tried it, which means they're dying to try it, or they're vegetarian.
Whichever the case, you cannot escape being asked about Tunday Kababi. The city and the restaurant have become so synonymous that most people in India only know one thing about Lucknow, Tunday kebab.
The history of the Galawat kebab at Tunday is steeped in Lucknowi charm and mystery.
The creator, Haji Murad Ali, apparently won a competition to create the softest kebabs possible. Supposedly, the Nawab had lost his teeth but didn't want to give up kebabs. Losing teeth is a minor inconvenience compared to losing kebabs. It makes sense that this is also the attitude most Lucknow people have towards their food.
The dish has inspired art and literature since its creation in 1905, and the recipe, said to be unchanged for a century, contains a blend of 160 spices. But like most things about Lucknow culture, one cannot separate the rumours from reality. It's advisable to go along with whatever you hear; exaggeration and suspense are part of the Lucknowi charm.
When you visit Tunday Kababi, know that the customer is not king here. The kebab is. You are allowed to taste a century-old recipe and get four of them for Rs. 90. The staff does not care about your money, nor do they worry about repeat business. They know you'll be back.
The original outlet at Chowk, or the Aminabad outlet, are the ones to visit. They're both large restaurants on narrow roads perpetually blocked by a crowd outside waiting for takeaways. The first time I went to the Tunday Kababi in Aminabad, the meal only took 30 minutes. The parking took an hour.
It's advisable to have a native around when entering Tunday. Everyone from drunk college students to large families is found eating at Tunday. The rush is in the atmosphere and can quickly become overwhelming. But the bustle is something you never forget. There is a constant flow of people, and finding a table might take a while.
More than a dozen waiters will zip by and ignore you. One waiter will be your point man for the entire meal. Nobody else will respond, so memorising your server's face is crucial.
Next is the ordering itself. Do not ask for the menu; there's no time to browse. Order fast and be specific. The food will always arrive in less than five minutes, and you're expected to eat, pay and leave as fast as you can.
The entire experience will feel like a fevered dream, and that will be how you'll know you've done it right.
The "right" way to eat at Tunday may seem like an exaggeration, but there's definitely a wrong way.
Being loud is fine; it's encouraged even. But being rude is a cardinal sin. And in true Lucknow fashion, you will not be shouted at, and nobody will be mean to you. It will be much worse. You will be judged. Hard.
Seeing a rude customer crumble under the weight of an entire city's judgement might just be on the menu at the deservedly world-famous Tunday Kababi.