It is easy to typecast S Sreesanth as a reckless character with a life larger than one he could handle. His antics on the field, demeanour on the screen and a match-fixing fracas, fuel this appraisal.
Still, it would be unfair to ignore his journey, one which involves a murder attempt on him, deep depression, suicidal thoughts, and above all, the will to persevere after all this.
From the highs of playing a part in two of India’s World Cup wins - 2007 World T20 and 2011 50-over World Cup - to spending 27 days in Tihar jail for his alleged involvement in spot-fixing in the Indian Premier League in 2013, Sreesanth has come a long way since.
He was acquitted of fixing in 2015, and subsequently, the BCCI reduced his ban to seven years, a term which ends this September 13.
At 37-years-old, many would have assumed the end of the road for Sreesanth, but the man doesn’t know when to quit. And Kerala Cricket Association’s announcement that he will be up for first-class selection, should he prove himself fit, has rewarded him for being an ‘unrealistic dreamer’.
Excerpts:
On being back: I am very happy, very grateful. All I can say is if you don’t give up, you get to fulfill your dreams. I thank the KCA for giving me this opportunity. Now, it’s just a matter of giving it my best and that’s something I have always done. I spoke to Tinu (Yohannan) today and we have planned a net session tomorrow. It’s an unofficial session but guys like Basil Thampi and Sachin Baby are coming. I created a group and we’re all turning up tomorrow. It should be fun. The main challenge for me is to get them to believe in themselves and believe that the Kerala team can do great things.
On fitness: I am not at all concerned about my fitness. I am very confident. The movies and the shows kept me going, they required me to be in some shape. I fully immersed myself in the routine of working out to avoid depressive phases. In fact, I tried my hand at MMA too in between because my anger and stress needed some outlet. I couldn’t hit anybody so I did the closest thing: hit a punching bag or a mat. I think one of the best things I did was spend my money wisely on hiring some of the finest people for the job... Ramji Srinivas, John Gloster, Tim Grover…. all these people have helped me tremendously. I am in constant touch with them. See, it will be difficult but it’s not impossible. I look at it as a seven-year break. The young people were busting up their bodies while I preserved it. I am raring to go.
On mental fitness: I have been doing a lot of meditation and I can safely tell you that I am a completely different human being now. So many things have happened since, my two kids, my mother had to have her leg amputated, wife…. it’s all a lesson. I am not only grateful for those who were with me through all of this, but I am also very grateful for those who were against me. I used it all as motivation.
On mindset change: I had this mindset change in 2015 after being acquitted from the case. I knew I could fight my way back. I was around 106 kgs at the time. I lost a lot of weight and became more cricket-fit. All I can say is that the hard times made me stronger. Much stronger.
On depression: It’s one of those topics that very underestimated and also overestimated. You know I was scared of the dark at one point. I couldn’t step out of the house and I didn’t let anyone step out of the house because I feared that I/ they would get kidnapped. I was in a deep depression at the time. I had all these thoughts in my room but I couldn’t leave my room without a smile on my face because my parents would not have been able to handle it. I didn’t want to show my weakness to them. I was completely on my own in these moments, I was crying all the time trying to figure out where I went wrong and what happened to me. I was living this dual life and it was too much to handle. I was Sreesanth to the world and Gopu to the family, but in my room, I didn’t know what I was. That’s why I started discovering hobbies and working on them with a lot of seriousness.
On suicidal thoughts: It is something I battled with incessantly in 2013. It was there everywhere I turned, the easy way out, but my family kept me sane. I had to stick around for my family. I knew they needed me. That’s why the news of Sushant Singh’s (Rajput) death affected me so much, besides the fact that he was a good friend. I was on that edge but I walked back because I knew how much it would hurt those who believe in me and love me. I am writing a small book, it should be out in a month or so, about this episode and about how you’re not lonely. And how if you are lonely, it’s not necessarily a bad thing because great things can come from this space of loneliness. These moments of loneliness can give you rare insights into your own being. That’s huge because people don’t appreciate who they are. I don’t like talking about this but there was a time when I was struggling to pay my bills. I didn’t know where my next meal would come from. That’s why I am so grateful for all the shows that hired me and trusted in me.
On Tim Grover (world renowned fitness coach): One of the things he taught me was to be unapologetically me. I was always unrealistic with my goals but that’s with most athletes. If you don’t have unrealistic goals, you’re going to be mediocre. I think when you manage to convince your subconscious to believe in these unrealistic dreams, great things can happen. You can achieve anything.
I still believe I can play in the 2023 World Cup. I firmly believe that.
On being the senior statesman: After spending time with my kids (a five-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son), I can safely say I can help the next generation, but that’s not my only purpose. I am here to learn from them. I have been away from the sport for long and I’ll need to find ways to incorporate these new changes and quickly. I am not competing against these youngsters. I am on a path of my own and I intend to give it my all. I am not there as a coach. I am there to rightfully earn my place in the side. There used to be a fear of failure when I was young, but now there is no need to announce myself. My body of work will speak for itself. I think the only way to summarise is that when I was playing I was 'sree', but now, after all these years, I am 'shanth'. I have matured so much.