Teaching your child, the art of failure

Failure and disappointment are things that most children will go through at some point. In a competitive world, where they must often strive to be the best, it is common to experience extreme stress and pressure. This can lead to poor self-esteem, low perceptions of self-concept, and feelings of worthlessness. However, it is essential for parents to help their children accept failures and disappointments to ensure their emotional and cognitive development. Failure can increase the resilience of a child and prepare them to cope with the pressures of adulthood.

Having open conversations about failure and disappointment at a young age provides children with many avenues of learning. Parents should teach their children that failure can be a source of opportunity, instead of teaching them that failure is a source of disappointment or an end to all things.

Disappointments can help them develop essential skills such as coping, resilience, creative thinking, and teamwork. Children should be encouraged to approach failures in a constructive manner and owe up to any mistakes they might have made. Involving children in household chores is one way to give children room to make mistakes and grow.

Parents should also be mindful about not getting in the way of children and their problems. It is only when children learn to deal with problems independently that they learn to manage their emotions, solve problems, make compromises, and begin to understand and respect other people’s viewpoints. If parents swoop in to rescue their children, they miss out on learning these critical social and emotional skills.

In addition, the children who are not given an opportunity to learn from their mistakes might become dependent on others to help them solve their problems. Parents can inculcate a culture of acceptance and become a reliable source of support while children solve their problems themselves. This greatly helps children understand that they are not alone in this journey.

Tips for parents

Help children manage failure and disappointments.

Be more specific with praise to avoid children becoming over-dependent on validation.

Encourage them to be creative and try things that are new to them.

Help them cultivate self-control to delay gratification of their wants.

Appreciate their efforts rather than the outcome.

Manage expectations and reactions.

Understand that every child is different and avoid comparisons with others.

Tell the child about your experiences with failure.

Have open conversations with children about their fears and anxieties.

Tips for children

Understand that failure is not the end. It can sometimes create new opportunities.

Have open conversations with trusted people about your fears or anxieties.

Understand that your role models have also dealt with disappointments.

Ask for help when it comes to academics or mental health.

Understand why you might have failed, so you can do things differently.

Be mindful and build resilience to cope with feelings of disappointment.

Therapy is a valuable tool that can help cope with failure.

(The author is Principal, Trio World School -ICSE)