A dementor called Covid

Harry Potter fans will remember Dementors as creatures that feed on human happiness and thus create feelings of despair wherever they go. Covid-related anxiety is having a similar effect on scores of children who are often lost, confused and worried.

The word pandemic in itself signifies the large-scale impact it has on populations across the globe; within it is the implication that it will (and does) affect every individual, regardless of their age. One of the most vulnerable populations in such a situation is that of children and adolescents. The impact a pandemic can and does have upon them is often missed. Thus, children end up not receiving the attention they require to emerge from such a scenario in a healthy, well-adjusted manner, while maintaining their optimism for the future and building their resilience to face the challenges of life.

A world upside-down

The disruption to children’s lives has been immense. The adjustments and accommodations they have had to make during this time period have only led to an increase in the experience of stress and pressure for many. As they look forward to a time when schools will resume and they would be able to step into playgrounds and be surrounded by their friends, they continue to go through the rigmarole of online classes. This has perhaps been the biggest challenge they have had to face.

The transition to online modes of learning and teaching, having to spend excessive time on gadgets doing work and not fun activities that were previously associated with them, experiencing the difficulties of the infrastructural limitations and having to understand what these even mean, has all been daunting. Contributing to this challenge has been the need to connect to everyone — friends, families, teachers — via electronic modes. This has been causing digital fatigue even in young minds. Consumption of excessive media has led many to face difficult questions and information that is hard to process. Others have faced challenges that social media posits in the form of trolling, negative comments and even cyber bullying.

An innumerable number of students continue to experience concerns about the future, particularly those who are at the edge of taking the next steps towards further education. There have been questions around how learning will be assessed, when examinations will happen, how results would be declared, whether there will be a movement forward soon. Parents too have had their anxieties around these aspects and there are no clear, concise answers that necessarily provide substantive relief and reassurance to children.

Contributing further towards all of this is the sheer lack of knowledge and understanding about how things will resolve in the future and when the challenges that are being perceived, will be taken care of. The unrelenting continuity of the pandemic impacts adults and it most certainly strongly influences and shapes how children are perceiving situations and the ways in which they are integrating the understanding of the current scenarios into their existing worldviews. This most certainly alters their cognitive and emotional standpoints and potentially negatively impacts their mental health.

The vulnerability of children

The biggest challenge emerges on account of children’s difficulties in expressing themselves. They often lack the sophistication to understand complex emotions and this gets further compounded on account of their limited vocabularies to express themselves. This is particularly the case for younger children who are more likely to struggle in being able to share what is happening to and with them. They tend to withdraw and withhold what they are going through.

Children also tend to be extremely sensitive and perceptive of the shifts in emotions and moods within the home environment. Their perception of the difficulties that adults are experiencing as well as the prevalence of predominant negative mood states within the home can often contribute towards children becoming even more reserved. They do not want to contribute further to the problem. On account of these factors, their experiences can often go unnoticed and as a result, remain unaddressed despite the availability and presence of family members. However, children can also veer in the opposite direction of becoming more irritable, aggressive and upset when they fail to understand what is going on around them. This can give birth to a different sequence of problems within the home, leading to outbursts and conflicts, which can be difficult to understand as there does not appear to be any real reason associated with the responses and reactions.

What parents must focus on

Parents currently play the most prominent role in a child’s life as children are spending the maximum time with them at home and not at school as was previously the case. This shift has led to a scenario where parents need to find ways to be even more present and attuned to what is going on with their children in order to ensure that they are not too impacted by the situations, are able to process difficult challenges and continue to move forward in a way that facilitates their adjustment and wellbeing across time.

One of the most important aspects that currently parents need to focus on is ensuring being present and informed about what is going on with their children, while not being overly intrusive. Having an intrusive involvement even in a young child’s routines makes a child nervous and anxious, particularly if this is a significant shift from what a parents’ approach has been previously. It is important to continue to have conversations with children and do it so in a manner that is age appropriate and use language that they can understand and process easily. Concurrently, especially with young children, it is helpful to integrate and embed the understanding of current situations within the context of stories and play. Using play is a good way to understand how your child is perceiving things. Asking them to narrate stories enables the development of an understanding of how the child’s thought process is evolving.

There is also a need for parents to be mindful of their displays of emotions in front of their children. While the reality of the challenging circumstances we currently face cannot be denied, it is important to try and have conversations with children if parents do have emotional breakdowns or angry outbursts at home. Helping a child process these experiences is very important for their overall wellbeing and for them to understand that everything is moving forward and life will normalise.

With children missing their friends and family members and not being able to go out, there is a concurrent need to facilitate ways in which they can stay connected and engaged. This means an increase in screen time. However, these times call for a change in traditional ways of conceptualising these aspects and it is important that children too stay connected with friends and other family members via virtual platforms, while also utilising the time they spend to have more meaningful engagements, especially with grandparents.

In the case of older children, it is particularly important to keep listening to them and not just stating and sharing your thoughts. Encouraging them to share their concerns regarding the future is very important so that parents can help provide them a sense of perspective on things and allow them to recognise that difficult times, even though challenging, are being faced by everyone and what is more important is how we are coming through these situations. Being a collective support system needs to be emphasised as should the need to follow protocols, be safe and altruistic towards those around. It is also crucial that parents continue to stay engaged with how they are receiving and processing information they may be getting exposure to on media platforms. Busting myths and misconceptions, enabling them to understand media messages — how and why these are created, as well as their purpose — is a critical role that parents ought to play.

While a lot of emphasis is laid by family members on academics and education, this is a time to teach children critical life skills, which is going to be possible if there is a shift in the centrality that academics are accorded. It is crucial to encourage older children to be a part of conversations, hear their perspectives, engage them in decision making and allow them to be creative in their actions and activities.

The role of schools

During this crucial period, schools are playing a rather central role in the lives of children. The biggest role currently that schools can play is in providing children a space for sharing and expressing, especially in the midst of their peers who are going through similar situations. A focal point usually is academics, however, this is an opportunity to also allow children to be able to share their emotional experiences, especially as there is much news and information that they are getting exposed to.

This does add to the role that is played by educators and the management of educational institutes. However, there are innumerable teaching moments, which are currently available within the virtual classroom settings, which can allow teaching to go beyond academics and also help forge an enhanced bond between the teachers and the students. Engaging students in today’s times of virtual teaching platforms require that they be involved more intrinsically with what is being taught. Having them be a part of the process and encouraging them to go beyond the academic curriculum to understand real-life applications of concepts and also sharing experiences from their current day-to-day lives would be helpful to children in gaining a sense of perspective, while also developing a greater sense of agency and self-direction in shaping their learning experiences.

What we can do

There is much that we can learn from children in current circumstances. Their ability to continue to see things from a simplistic lens, while also maintaining their sense of positivity and optimism in the face of difficult scenarios, makes them unlikely role models. We, as a society, need to find the ability to provide children the right message in current times, which needs to be about taking collective responsibility and finding it within ourselves to be significant and effective support systems for others around us.

It is critically imperative that we continually demonstrate the varying ways in which we can be available to support each other. These are also times that call for us as adults and as a society to take ownership and accountability for the situations we find ourselves in. Society needs to find a way to demonstrate the large scale systemic changes it can herald forth to provide the young population of our country with the hope that things can change and there can be many ways in which difficult circumstances can be addressed.

When to worry

The young minds of children are easily impressionable and they absorb and retain what they see around them. It is our collective responsibility to provide them with the right support, the space to express and share and also help them build skills that would facilitate their adjustment towards current situations, which would eventually assist them to be resilient in the future.

These difficult circumstances are challenging everyone, including young children and adolescents. While it is natural to experience low moods or feel nervous and anxious intermittently about how things will be in the future, it can be a cause for concern if these feelings persist incessantly and take away from a child’s ability to be productive, do the things they love and enjoy and maintain their relationships with friends and family members.

It is important to remember that children and adolescents too can struggle and if you see a child finding it difficult to maintain their mental health and state of wellbeing, despite the supports that are available to them, do not hesitate to connect them with an expert. Mental health is crucial. It needs to be made a priority for the young minds of our society and every adult around them needs to play a role in order to ensure that efforts are made in this direction.

Warning signs your child is struggling

* Changes in moods — being low, irritable, anxious or worried

* Becoming withdrawn and not wanting to communicate

* Not engaging in play activities that were previously enjoyed

* Expressing a consistent lack of desire to do work — studies and chores

* Experiencing headaches, body aches, stomach problems, which are unrelated to physical health

* Getting into constant conflicts with other family members

* Small things becoming big triggers for tantrums and negative reactions

* Difficulties in maintaining focus and attention

* Not maintaining appetite and sleep

What a parent can do

* Be available to listen

* Share stories of hope and optimism

* Encourage sharing of concerns

* Involve children more actively in various roles at home

* Be mindful of your own emotional and behavioural displays

* Be involved but not intrusive

* Focus on development of life skills

* Promote communication with friends and family

* Do not reject or negate concerns and emotional experiences

* Help build a positive narrative on media platforms

The author is a clinical psychologist and Head of Mental Health, Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences at a leading hospital in New Delhi. She has recently co-authored ‘Age of Anxiety’, an easy-to-navigate book about anxiety management, published by Simon & Schuster.