A twinkle in the wrinkle

Midlife, if handled well, can be a time of liberation; a time to get rid of shackles and do what you have always wanted to do. We explore how you can make your 40s your best decade yet.

The year 2020 was an extraordinary year in more ways than one. The year that saw a once-in-a-century pandemic upturn lives across the globe; the year that has morphed into a grimmer version in 2021. The year also suddenly brought into focus one generation — the millennials. The year 2020 was the one that saw the oldest of the millennials turn 40.

Generation X is now well into its forties, but with many millennials now approaching the big number, social media posts are populated with freshly-minted 40-year-olds talking about, what else, but turning 40! In the digital age, the realisation that you are now 40 plus comes when you use drop-down menus on online forms and you see that your year of birth is not quite within clickable reach.

Turning 40 is not quite the scary life event it is made out to be. In fact, the 40s are a time of empowerment and liberation — when you finally learn to let go of all the things that have held you back. It is also the time that society’s gaze turns away from you for a while; the invisibility can be a boon or a bane, depending on your individual circumstances. But speaking from experience, when the gaze is off, you may actually be free from the shackles of expectations and finally do what you have always wanted to.

The fourth decade of your life can be delicious balance — you are not your angry 20-something self, you are not a 60-something respected elder. You learn from your 20s and 30s and are all set to turn the next decade into a winning one. It's a perfectly poised position — to look back and assess and then look forward and hope. The age when you put your 20-20 vision to good use.

A popular trope is to take an age and append it with a younger age; 40 is the new 20 or 60 is the new 40. That now, thankfully, stays put in the heap of discarded clichés. Forty is now the new 40, and unapologetically so. Thanks to an increased awareness about health, fitness and self-care, those in their 40s can now stay better prepared to take on a new decade in their lives. In fact, the 40s may well be the best decade, if people learn to edit their lives carefully and smartly. Steering clear of toxic relationships and getting rid of poor lifestyle habits are just the starting points.

Handling midlife blues

On the flip side, one can’t turn away from the dilemmas and problems that your 40s might pose. The 40s invariably bring up the question of the midlife crisis. In an article published by Royal Society, Professor Mark Jackson at the University of Exeter, explains that the term ‘midlife crisis’ was introduced by social scientist Elliott Jacques in the 1960s. The term has come to describe why people tend to get disillusioned with work and relationships around the age of 40.

Although midlife crisis has been seen as a stereotype and dismissed often, the term continues to be used when people face a crisis around their middle age. Typically, the midlife crisis is attributed to psychological and biological changes people, particularly women, face as they get to their forties. Research by Professor Mark Jackson at the University of Exeter titled, ‘Life Begins at 40…’ , shows that economic changes and changes to patterns of ageing are responsible for the midlife crisis. In a Royal Society lecture, Professor Jackson explains that the midlife crisis is very much a Western concept where people are encouraged to weigh and compare achievements against peers. He also notes that Western cultures encourage people to see ageing as something that needs to be resisted. This leads to a crisis, he explains.

Talk about midlife crisis and you invariably wonder if your happiness takes a dip as you step into your 40s. According to research conducted by eminent British-American economist David Blanchflower, people experience a U-shaped ‘happiness curve’. His research, which was conducted on people across the globe, shows that you are unhappiest around the age of 48 if you are in a developing country and 47 or thereabouts if you are in a developed country. Blanchflower looked at data gleaned from nearly 500,000 people in 132 countries, and points out that the late 40s are the lowest point, and for most people, things begin to get better from there on.

The reasons for the slump could be many. People in their late 40s are part of the ‘sandwich generation’, those caring for ageing parents and their own growing up children at the same time. The stress at that age may be high and can have an impact on one’s well-being and performance at the workplace as well.

However, being aware of the challenges and the joys of turning 40 can do much to help you navigate the forties and make the decade the best one of your life. Here are some ways:

Self-care matters

As you turn 40, a self-care regimen that includes diet and exercise matters a great deal. Sticking to the basics, staying hydrated, tending to your knees (yes, really!) and taking care of your mental health are important as you step into your forties. It could be meditation, music or reading, but cultivating and nurturing your interests as you step into the forties matter a great deal.

No toxic relationships please

At 40, the nature of friendships and interpersonal relationships finally start to change. You get a clearer picture of whom to hold on to and whom to let go. You learn to see people for who they are; you learn to let go of toxic relationships, be it in a marriage or a friendship. Also, in your forties, being friends no longer means having to hang out every other day or party; it means picking up conversations you left a while ago effortlessly; it means listening to each other and being each other’s cheerleader.

No seeking approval, okay?

You are into your forties and have had enough life experiences to know who you are and what your strengths are. It is time you stop seeking approval and validation for your actions. And once you do learn to stop (yes, it is not easy), the kind of freedom you experience is in a league of its own.

Assess your growth curve

Midlife gives you an opportunity to assess your growth curve, learn from the mistakes you have made in the past and make quick course corrections. It is important to reinvent yourself at 40; pick up a new skill and polish your strengths. This will help you navigate not just your 40s, but the subsequent decades of your life as well.

Manage your finances

Staying prepared is one way to stay empowered and feel liberated as you navigate your 40s. Have a savings plan and a retirement fund if you haven’t already started it in your 30s. Take into account your commitments, aspirations and life goals and plan for a financially secure decade.

And lastly, don’t forget to wear sunscreen, as that famed Baz Luhrmann song goes.

Famous late bloomers

* Giorgio Armani, known for his eponymous fashion brand all over the world, started his own company when he was 41 years old.

* Celebrity chef Julia Child wrote her first cookbook, a collaborative work entitled, ‘Mastering the Art of French Cooking’, when she was nearly 50 in 1961.

* The name’s Bond, James Bond…is a line everyone’s familiar with. The author of the James Bond series, Ian Fleming, wrote the first novel when he was 44.

* George Eliot or Mary Ann Evans, author of such great works like ‘Middlemarch’, ‘The Mill on the Floss’, ‘Silas Mariner’ and ‘Adam Bede’, wrote her first novel ‘Adam Bede’ at 40.

* Alfred Hitchcock, one of the most influential filmmakers of all times, made his most famous films including Dial M for Murder, To Catch a Thief, Vertigo and Psycho, all between the age of 54 and 61.

‘Life Begins at Forty’

Psychologist Walter Pitkin wrote a self-help book titled ‘Life Begins at Forty’ in the 1930s. The book was well received at that time because it was an age when life expectancy for newborn Americans had gone up to an average of 60. During the major part of the 19th century, life expectancy had stayed in the early 40s. Today, life expectancy in the world is a little over 72.5 years, while in India it is around 69 years.

Be safe than sorry?

A new research published in Circulation, the American Heart Association journal, claims that cardiovascular risk factors in childhood may have a significant effect on how your brain functions in middle age. A group of researchers from Finland conducted a national longitudinal study in which they followed participants for 31 years, right from their childhood. They found that the participants' total cholesterol, Body Mass Index and systolic blood pressure were increasingly linked to brain function as they approached their middle age. Specifically, obesity was linked to lower attention spans and poorer processing speed for visual information, while a high systolic blood pressure and high total cholesterol were associated with poorer learning abilities and worsening memory.

This kind of research is significant in furthering our understanding of how soon symptoms of neurological diseases such as Alzheimer's can be detected (and thus treated). Evidently, when it comes to making healthy choices, better start young!

Is ageism the last taboo?

There has been much written in the western media about how middle-agers, especially women, are aggressively tackling the taboo of ageism There is one particularly funny and wise book that tackles all that matters to the middle-ager. 'There Are No Grown-Ups', by Pamela Druckerman, discusses everything from cellulite on arms to recognising fakery from a mile away to strangers suddenly prefixing your name with 'Madame' and being okay with yourself for not liking jazz. Unfortunately, there is remarkably little discussion about midlife in the Indian context.

That, however, does not mean things haven't changed. Make no mistake about it, middle-aged Indian women are having a moment of sorts. The best popular examples being the ostensibly 'have-been' stars like Madhuri Dixit, Shilpa Shetty, Sonali Bendre, Sameera Reddy and Gul Panag — all with huge social media following, doing their own thang with lots of style, élan and grace, and dare I say, often looking and sounding sexier and wiser than their younger counterparts. Happily, many middle-aged actors, both men and women, are getting worthy roles without being relegated to being mere chachas and buas. Then there are the women, like television actors Mona Singh and Anita Hassanandani, who are proudly chronicling their post-40 marriage, pregnancy and childbirth. In their own way, these women are all pretty much saying the same thing: that you actually come of age at midlife and the post-modern forties is not about going gently into the night (or the nightie). Anything but.