Stop normalising female subjugation

Empowering girls through education, creating safe spaces for them to heal from trauma, and promoting gender equality can break the cycle of discrimination, writes Dr Aruna Kalra

When I was 16, I attended a wedding of a distant relative and ended up sleeping in a shared room with other tired guests. After the long event, we were deeply asleep when I was suddenly jolted awake by someone squeezing my breast. I was terrified and shocked, and through my groggy eyes, I saw someone fleeing from the room. My fear and distress overwhelmed me. I tried to find my mother but she was sleeping deeply, completely unaware of the trauma I had just experienced. I couldn't bring myself to tell her, then or ever.

Later, during medical college, my daily commute to the market was a long rickshaw ride. The college was on the outskirts of the city, and the route was often deserted for stretches, making it a target for young boys on bikes. This desolation provided an opportunity for young boys on bikes to harass the girls travelling in rickshaws. They would slow down, slap the girls on their backs or breasts, and then speed away while laughing or teasing.

At home, favouritism was glaringly apparent. Even when I was right and my brother was wrong, my grandmother would always scold me. This constant unfair treatment eroded my self-esteem and encouraged my brother’s misbehaviour. I began to see myself as inferior and accepted being treated as a second-class individual.

These experiences contribute to a belief that girls are vulnerable, insecure, unloved, and undervalued. This undermines their confidence and shapes a view that only a male child can offer a more secure and respected life.

Cultural & societal pressures

In many parts of India, the preference for male children is deeply ingrained in cultural norms. Sons are viewed as carriers of the family name and caretakers in old age, while daughters are often seen as financial burdens. These cultural expectations lead to a celebration of male births and disappointment over female births.

When a woman becomes a mother and gives birth to a daughter, she often feels anxiety rather than joy, fearing the same neglect and mistreatment she endured will befall her child. Her dread and disappointment are heightened by societal pressure, which values sons over daughters.

The need for change

Addressing gender bias requires a multifaceted approach. Education is crucial in changing attitudes and dismantling patriarchal structures. Empowering girls through education, creating safe spaces for them to heal from trauma, and promoting gender equality can break the cycle of discrimination. Legal and social reforms are also essential for creating a safer environment where girls can grow up without fear.

The plea, "I want a boy," reflects the harsh realities faced by many women in India. It underscores the urgent need to address gender bias and create a society where girls are equally valued and respected. By understanding the root cause of this plea and working towards systemic change, we can hope to build a future where every child's birth, regardless of gender, is celebrated with equal joy and pride.

(The author is an obstetrician, gynaecologist, laparoscopic and robotic surgeon who recently published 'I Want A Boy' with Vitasta.)