Resolving conflicts through dialogue

Mediation can calm our inner ‘Indiranagar ka gunda,’ writes Jonathan Rodrigues

The phrase, “I am going to channel my inner Rahul Dravid” now comes with a caveat: which one — Eden Gardens ka Dravid (sweating through two days on 18-yards without losing his calm)or Indiranagar ka Dravid (losing his marbles in a traffic jam in Bengaluru)?

India’s iconic cricketer recently trolled himself to lighten our mood. Ten seconds of Dravid dramatising his ‘dark side’ and unleashing his deeply disturbing wrath on the streets of Bengaluru was, ironically, quite therapeutic to millions of Indians. For a generation that grew up adoring him as a gentleman, it was shocking to watch him claim to be a ‘gunda’. ‘Jammy’ venting out on the streets is what many of us would have liked to, but haven’t done since April 2020. With the second wave of the pandemic threatening to shut down life again, frustration is in the air.

The pandemic fatigue of 2020 has drained us, and the thought of investing more (physically, mentally, financially and emotionally) to survive an uncertain 2021 can be quite overwhelming. People are losing their calm over conflicts at home or office. We have read of disgruntled workforces striking and posing financial and security risks to their firms.

For some, every day is a struggle. Many have lost jobs and are scathing at their severance packages, while others are drowning under the workload piling onto their desktops, due to downsizing.

Back home, families are turning hostile. Couples, separated but living together for their children in pre-pandemic times, are now feeling agonisingly awkward to share the same roof. Elsewhere, black sheep of families have returned home to claim land, property and affection. In June 2020, news reports revealed a spike in divorce, custody and domestic violence cases in India. A year on, with social life curbed again, there could be a tsunami of domestic disputes.

The Supreme Court of India last month revealed its highest ever pendency of cases — over 67,000 — with the Chief Justice of India claiming that the situation “has gone out of control.” Sadly, the truth is far worse than the statistics published, as many lawyers have not been able to file cases during the pandemic — meaning, when normalcy does return (and we don’t know when), pending cases will spill over the current docket of nearly 4 crores.

Interestingly, these alarming figures have got many to appreciate the benefits of a good old-fashioned dialogue — done a little differently, with professional help. Yes, more people are picking up their phones and attempting to resolve their disputes via mediation.

Mediation, often conveniently mistaken for the practice of ‘meditation,’ is a collaborative, solution-oriented, out-of-court process of dispute resolution. Here, parties to a family, business or commercial dispute, appoint a neutral mediator, to help them negotiate a legal settlement. Mediation is totally confidential and voluntary, from start to end. The agreement terms can be made binding — as solid as a court order. Importantly, parties in mediation find their common justice and peace by themselves, on their own terms.

The brief episode of road rage hilariously portrayed by an otherwise calm Dravid is actually an appropriate analogy of how conflict escalates in our lives. Like Dravid in the ad — when in conflict, we behave aggressively without considering the consequences; we reason out that we are right and the other should have done things differently; and we give no honks about our reputation or the relationships we destroy when we say, “Come man, you come! I will sue you in court.”

Surely, the ‘Indiranagar ka gunda’ in all of us is looking for a vent, having suppressed the stress and anxiety of dealing with a deadly health crisis. Reacting aggressively to conflict is instinctual and normal. However, if we check ourselves in time, we might be able to resolve conflicts through dialogue. Whether it’s dealing with delivery agents running late with our food, or electricity officials unable to find the faulty line, or business partners who owe us money, or personal bankers not responding to emails — let us give dialogue a chance. There is illness, death and loss all around us, now is not the time for gundagiri.

The message is not to compromise or shut up about our grievances but just to be sensitive to others, and to address these concerns via a collaborative channel of
communication. When the dialogue gets tough and you see no hope in talking to the other side, there are mediators who can assist you in resolving your disputes via dialogue.

(The author is a Bengaluru-based mediator. He holds an LL.M. in Mediation and Conflict Resolution from the University of Strathclyde, UK. He can be reached at [e-mail] )