Ways to cope with pandemic heart breaks

Relationship experts speak to Metrolife about coping with a breakup during the lockdown

The end of a relationship is hard, but dealing with a breakup might be harder with a pandemic in the mix.
“The discomfort that is being felt is collective grief because of the pandemic,” says Monisha Srichand, director of TalkItOver Counselling Services. This, combined with the personal grief of a breakup, can bring up several difficult emotions, she adds.

“Normally, we have work and friends to distract ourselves from the pain. We often resort to this escapism to buy ourselves time. But with the lockdown, we are forced to confront these emotions,” Monisha adds.

“One needs to accept what has happened,” says Suchetta Saha, marriage counsellor and life coach at Coach Suchetaa. “We often busy ourselves in asking why it happened or how it could have been stopped. Resistance to accepting that the relationship has ended only causes more pain,” she says.

With negative emotions running high, Monisha stresses on the importance of allowing yourself to feel certain emotions. “You need to give yourself permission to not feel okay.”

Both Monisha and Suchetta recommend seeking help. “Reach out to counsellors over the phone or speak to someone you trust, such as a friend or family member,” Monisha says.

“Having someone listen to you without judgement and having someone to cry with is a blessing,” Suchetta adds.

Sleeping and eating well are vital to feeling better and healing. Cook your favourite food and allow yourself to indulge once in a while, Suchetta says. “Right now, you need to take care of yourself and feel good with and by yourself,” she explains.

Get moving with some form of exercise, Monisha says. Exercising releases endorphins, which make you feel better.

“Exercise or your choice of movement, such as dance, can really improve your mood,” she says.

It can also be an outlet to expend pent up emotions, according to Suchetta. “Even when you do not feel like it, push yourself to move. Physical movement can leave you feeling fresh and feel better instantly.”

You do not have to speak to someone if you are feeling hesitant. “It is important to internally allow yourself to feel emotional pain and not fight it. Writing and talking are powerful healing tools. So are breathing exercises or some form of art therapy,” Monisha explains. “The essence is to pay attention to your feelings and let them flow.”

Suchetta agrees: “Oftentimes we pretend everything is fine, but it is never worth it. Once you pour your heart out, you will feel at peace.” She suggests thinking about your day while you plan. “For the most part, there will be no difference in how you spend your days. It is okay to be sad, but realise that you can make the most of the 24 hours you have.”

Although the lockdown has limited any social interactions, people now have time for themselves. Monisha suggests paying attention to your thoughts. “Do not judge your emotions, but develop realistic, functional thoughts for self-enhancement.”

Take care of yourself during this time, Suchetta says. “Treat yourself with respect and realise that you are the most reliable person you know. Start your journey of self-love now.”

Since the lockdown was put in place, Monisha says they have seen a spike in bookings.

“People are finally confronting feelings that an otherwise busy schedule provided an escape from.”

People have been having realisations about life, lifestyles, mortality, she says. “There has been a shift in awareness. People are realising the value of relationships.”