Civility in speech

Speech is what elevates a human above the other orders of creation. Words give him a soul: the ability to convert thought into words, and then into meaningful action. And yet this is a gift used carelessly without reflection. Words are abused and robbed of all sanctity when spoken without civility or grace.

They could be weapons to cause grievous harm or an elixir to soothe anger and hurt, humiliation, and bruised egos. When words tumble out effortlessly and inadvertently, it is time to stall unguarded speech.

And that is what emperor Ashoka advised: vachagati (artful management of the tongue), samyama (self restraint), to observe restraint so that restraints do not have to be imposed.

In all this cacophony of freedom of expression, what is lost is the ability to critique or criticise without being vitriolic or toxic in your rhetoric. Even while putting across a point of dissension or disagreement, there need not be animosity or bitterness. Critique need not belittle or humiliate, but should be done with good reason and on occasions where it is appropriate.

Personal vendettas need not be aired on a public platform. Self-praise and odious comparisons can be equally distasteful to the listener and lack civility in the speaker. By offending and antagonising others, we merely undermine the capacity for mutual interaction and possible influence.

This does not mean we cannot express an honest opinion, raise a voice in dissent, or raise a hand in protest.

To think critically, to disagree respectfully, and to argue carefully and flexibly is to show decorum and dignity. The harshest reprimand or repartee can be couched in the
politest of words and could be far more effective.

Whether at the workplace or at home, in private space or public space, the manner in which we enunciate our views is important. All anger, resentment, and rancour can be set right with a few words of understanding.

The three most important words in ordinary discourse, in well-oiled conversations or acrimonious arguments, are the magic words of “please,” “sorry,” and “thank you,” uttered mindfully and in right earnest.

Words said in request, regret, and gratitude are fast disappearing in
our midst.

Even in the midst of dissent, our duties to others and moral concern for others must govern all of our discourse. In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna advises, “Express yourself in words that do not cause distress and are truthful, inoffensive, and beneficial.”