Clothing the emperor

The emperor is naked, but no one seems to be fooled anymore. So, the courtiers have been summoned to find new ways to keep fooling them.

Here’s a crazy thought: How about changing reality to change perception?

For starters, why not say sorry for ignoring warnings of a second wave? The virus was already mutating in several countries, leaving destruction in its wake well before it came to our shores. A parliamentary committee report had flagged the shortage in oxygen cylinders and hospital beds as far back as in November. Why not apologise for scoffing at the writing on the wall and declaring premature victory against the pandemic for good press?

Why not admit that super-spreader religious gatherings and election rallies should not have been held? Why not repent for bragging about huge crowds at those rallies, while thousands gasped for oxygen and a former Indian ambassador died in a parking lot, waiting for a hospital bed?

There’s now a deadline and a well-planned schedule for the completion of a brand new palace in the capital city. This is good news! It is the first sign in a very long time that the State has capacity to ‘plan’ for anything at all. If only that capacity to plan could now be deployed to procure vaccines! And while they are at it, why not divert all that money to vaccinate the country, instead of hiking fuel prices in the middle of an apocalypse?

But while we speak of money, here’s another crazy way for the courtiers to boost public perception: Why not set up a transparent real-time database for the money collected and used from the emperor’s fund? Maybe that will encourage some A-list Australian cricketers to donate to it, rather than taking their money to the UNICEF, instead.

Some of the courtiers are still busy playing the same old tricks to divert attention from the apocalypse. One of them painted Muslim volunteers as corrupt thugs, trying to take bribes in return for hospital beds in their city. Naturally, the ‘wise and thoughtful’ public began asking the volunteers if they are Hindu or Muslim, before agreeing to take a bed from them.

Elsewhere, some courtiers objected to Muslim volunteers helping out families at Hindu crematoria. Another courtier was busy blaming the foreign press for ‘defaming the country’ by reporting about its terrible reality. And yet another courtier began courting his favourite vote bank – the cows – by setting up help desks, oximeters and thermal scanners for them. (Alas, if only the wise cows could speak, perhaps someone would finally be getting some sense through to him!)

The heart-breaking fact, though, is that the pandemic has been mismanaged so badly that none of these diversionary tactics are serious enough to outlast it. The virus is mutating, experts warn of a third wave, and thousands more are dying every single day. The spin doctors seem to have met their match in the virus. There is no way to kill it, except by facing up to the truth – and doing the job that one was elected to do.

I know I’m asking for a lot. I know we are supposed to just trust the powers-that-be rather than asking them questions or giving them suggestions. But the emperor seems to really care about what folks are saying about him.

Maybe I am wrong; perhaps it’s a whole lot better to simply use the propaganda machine, attack the world press and silence dissent on social media, rather than actually clothing the emperor. After all, I have no experience in State propaganda or public manipulation. What do I know!

(The author is a student of all things global and, self-confessedly, master of none, notwithstanding his Columbia Master’s, a stint with the UN and with monarchs in the Middle East)