Mental health and marriage

India is obsessed with marriages, and while both genders face societal pressure to marry at a “suitable” age, women often bear a greater burden in the marriage market. Young girls are raised to believe that marriage is the ultimate goal of their lives. Although education rates among women have increased over the past decade, societal expectations still prioritise marital obligations over education or employment.

Studies show that a significant proportion of Indian women with graduate degrees do not use their qualification and get married shortly after graduating (United Nations Development Program’s India Skills Report, 2019). The lack of women in India’s workforce is striking, and while some women may personally choose to stay home, often families discourage them from pursuing further education or employment after marriage. For women who continue working post-marriage, “having it all” comes at a high cost.

They juggle a double shift of household responsibilities—cooking, cleaning, childcare—alongside professional duties at their jobs. As a result, many women either give up their dreams and identities within restrictive marriages or, if they balance both career and marriage, endure physical and mental exhaustion.

This phenomenon, termed the ‘superwoman syndrome’ in the 1990s, describes the impossible expectation that women must excel both in unpaid domestic work and in paid professional roles. While some glamorise the idea of ‘having it all,’ the reality is often bleak.

Society expects women to take full responsibility for household management, regardless of their employment status. This results in excruciatingly long working hours, discrimination, sacrifices, compromises, and guilt for not fulfilling traditional roles as wives and mothers when they focus on their career. Hiring domestic help is expensive.

As for women who choose or are compelled to remain housewives, their unpaid labour at home is even more intensive, often going unnoticed and undervalued. This often erodes their self-esteem, dignity, and sense of personhood, leading to mental health struggles such as depression and anxiety.

Despite awareness efforts, mental health remains taboo in India, particularly for women. Many prefer to suffer in silence rather than risk being ostracised for seeking help. A mental health diagnosis can make a woman seem unfit for marriage. Section 13 of the Hindu Marriage Act cites “unsoundness of mind” as grounds for divorce, and this provision is often exploited by spouses to abandon mentally ill partners.

Depression doesn’t suddenly dawn on a person; it often develops slowly after years of being disrespected, overworked, undermined, and blamed for perceived shortcomings. Access to therapists or counsellors is limited, partly due to the high cost of mental health services. Studies indicate that more women in India than men suffer from depression, with 70% of those affected being married women between 20 and 45 years old (Lancet Psychiatry Journal, 2019).

Issues such as dowry-related cruelty and intimate partner violence further contribute to mental health struggles and even suicidal tendencies among married Indian women. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), 22,000 housewives died by suicide in India in 2020. Despite these alarming statistics, the State has yet to take substantial action to address this crisis.

So, what can be done? A bottoms-up approach is essential—like charity, gender equality also begins at home. Unless families recognise the struggles of married women and share household responsibilities, women will continue to suffer. Husbands who cook, clean, or care for their children are often applauded, but this should be normalised, not exceptional. Sharing household duties not only lightens the burden but also fosters emotional intimacy and mutual respect between couples.

The International Labour Organisation (ILO) advocates for ‘Three Rs’—Recognise, Reduce, and Redistribute—aimed at reducing the burden of unpaid care work on women. This approach must be adopted with more affordable mental health services, government incentives to promote counselling, and a dedicated helpline with experienced and sensitive professionals for women’s mental health support.

Above all, if we all just treated the women in our families with more dignity, rendered a patient ear to their grievances, and helped them complete their household chores, our society and country would be a better place. Because, like the Sanskrit saying goes, “yatra naryastu poojyante, ramante tatra devta,” i.e., where women are respected, there God resides. 

(The writer is a judicial magistrate based in Rajasthan with an avid interest in gender studies, human rights, and law)