Preparing children to handle failure

With schools today being generous at showering wards with medals and certificates, are we preparing children to fail in the future? In an attempt not to dishearten the effervescent pupils, participation certificates are being awarded, the number of categories in which awards are given has been inflated quite irrationally, in the process, children today have lost the yearning for and the taste of success.

While it is acceptable to respect the individuality of each child and embrace their uniqueness, what we fail to nurture is the art of perseverance, ambition and ardour. The absence of a north star in a child fails to generate the requisite nudge. The lethargy thus cultivated leads to a general tendency of stagnation and reclusiveness.

With instant gratification and abundance of happiness, our children today fail to appreciate incremental joy and satisfaction. Chocolate that was once a year token of appreciation is today a boredom killer. Family mealtimes have made way to digital solitude. The absence of human interaction has quashed emotions and reciprocations. How then can parents nurture children and prepare for the future?

Introduction to the science of “No”: Help children understand that the answer to everything is not affirmative. The whole world does not solicit their whims and fancies as parents do. It helps build resistance to peer pressure, helps gather oneself, understand priorities and handle uneasy situations.

Introduction to failure: All parents are guilty of letting their child win games to just catch a glimpse of their fleeting happiness, the spark in their eyes and cry of joy. Parents should take the privilege of witnessing their child’s failure and how their children brace themselves to failure. How long does the child try before giving up?

Nudge the child to a different perspective of failure: An opportunity to learn, It took Edison 10,000 attempts to perfect the light bulb. He viewed it not as 9,999 failures but as finding “9,999 ways that do not work”. These nudges will stand by the child during the most difficult times of their life.

Introduce the art of perseverance: It is not the failure that matters, but the lessons learnt, the grit to accept it and the ascertainment to avoid it in future that matters. Patience is a virtue that when fostered from childhood, builds an amicable personality.

Unleash the fear of failure: Build the grace to accept failure, to stand by what is right and be true to oneself.

And last but not the least, the joy of giving. Help the child understand it is ok to part with what they think is theirs. This helps build resilience to handle departures, breakups and agony.

With the schools scheduled to reopen soon, it is important for parents to inculcate some practices and principles that will stand the test of time. While mistakes and failure are inevitable in the journey of life, it is of paramount importance to nerve oneself to it.

As Einstein famously said, “In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure”.

(The writer is a Bengaluru-based software professional)