<p>The great king Vikram, famed for his adventures with Betal, is no longer with us. But do you know of Venugopal, the illustrious descendant of the third cousin (five times removed) of Vikram? Well, now you know. Venugopal was a devout man. Seeing no prospects of getting a good job, he begged a godman for help. The godman told him of an old peepal tree in a forest, and Betal, who hung from it lazily. “Carry Betal to me at night, and the goddess of fortune will be with you forever. And come walking, will you? Even forests are full of traffic these days.”</p>.<p>Betal stretched a bit and assumed a comfortable position on Venugopal’s shoulders. “Well then,” he said, “why should we pass our long journey in boredom? Listen to my story carefully, Venugopal. And if you speak, I’ll just go back to my tree for a good snooze.” Venugopal walked on without a word, huffing a bit at the weight of Betal, but determined to finish his task. And so, Betal continued—</p>.<p>“Once upon a time, a large gathering was called in the holy lands of Karnataka. People flocked from everywhere — burnt-out IT professionals, solo travellers, and journalists who were exhausted by their own outrage. A bespectacled bald man began to speak after the cheers had died down. “Hindi is the language of most Indians,” he said. “Hindi is the easiest to pronounce, simplest to learn, and is the national language of our glorious country. In fact, if it were left to me, not learning Hindi would be considered an act of treason against our country. We need a <span class="italic">lingua franca</span> for India. So this is what we are going to do…”</p>.<p>Now, a woman piped up from the audience, “Well sir, if it is a <span class="italic">lingua franca</span> we need, we should make Sanskrit compulsory for students in all schools and colleges. It is the mother of all languages. All our scriptures are in Sanskrit. More importantly, Sanskrit was declared the “most scientific language” by NASA. India will have a new scientific revolution if we uncover the secret nuclear weapons by reading the Vedas.”</p>.<p>A young couple from Chennai interjected indignantly — “Enough of that, sir. We will have you know that Tamil is much older than Sanskrit. And forget about Hindi. Why should we learn a language half stolen from other lands and half from Sanskrit? You should stay in your precious North instead of poking your nose in our affairs. We can manage just fine, thank you.”</p>.<p>Another voice spoke up. “All of you are hypocrites. English is a necessity now, and you know it. You say a million things in support of other languages, but your children study in English-medium schools and do their best to escape abroad. Granted, English is the colonizer’s language, but we must be pragmatic…”</p>.<p>“They continued arguing, Venugopal,” Betal said, “but we must leave the gathering there for now. This is my question to you: Which language is the superior one? You must answer in all fairness and to the best of your knowledge. If you know the answer and do not speak, your head will shatter into a thousand pieces!”</p>.<p>But Venugopal just kept walking. He had not understood a word of Betal’s long Hindi monologue.</p>
<p>The great king Vikram, famed for his adventures with Betal, is no longer with us. But do you know of Venugopal, the illustrious descendant of the third cousin (five times removed) of Vikram? Well, now you know. Venugopal was a devout man. Seeing no prospects of getting a good job, he begged a godman for help. The godman told him of an old peepal tree in a forest, and Betal, who hung from it lazily. “Carry Betal to me at night, and the goddess of fortune will be with you forever. And come walking, will you? Even forests are full of traffic these days.”</p>.<p>Betal stretched a bit and assumed a comfortable position on Venugopal’s shoulders. “Well then,” he said, “why should we pass our long journey in boredom? Listen to my story carefully, Venugopal. And if you speak, I’ll just go back to my tree for a good snooze.” Venugopal walked on without a word, huffing a bit at the weight of Betal, but determined to finish his task. And so, Betal continued—</p>.<p>“Once upon a time, a large gathering was called in the holy lands of Karnataka. People flocked from everywhere — burnt-out IT professionals, solo travellers, and journalists who were exhausted by their own outrage. A bespectacled bald man began to speak after the cheers had died down. “Hindi is the language of most Indians,” he said. “Hindi is the easiest to pronounce, simplest to learn, and is the national language of our glorious country. In fact, if it were left to me, not learning Hindi would be considered an act of treason against our country. We need a <span class="italic">lingua franca</span> for India. So this is what we are going to do…”</p>.<p>Now, a woman piped up from the audience, “Well sir, if it is a <span class="italic">lingua franca</span> we need, we should make Sanskrit compulsory for students in all schools and colleges. It is the mother of all languages. All our scriptures are in Sanskrit. More importantly, Sanskrit was declared the “most scientific language” by NASA. India will have a new scientific revolution if we uncover the secret nuclear weapons by reading the Vedas.”</p>.<p>A young couple from Chennai interjected indignantly — “Enough of that, sir. We will have you know that Tamil is much older than Sanskrit. And forget about Hindi. Why should we learn a language half stolen from other lands and half from Sanskrit? You should stay in your precious North instead of poking your nose in our affairs. We can manage just fine, thank you.”</p>.<p>Another voice spoke up. “All of you are hypocrites. English is a necessity now, and you know it. You say a million things in support of other languages, but your children study in English-medium schools and do their best to escape abroad. Granted, English is the colonizer’s language, but we must be pragmatic…”</p>.<p>“They continued arguing, Venugopal,” Betal said, “but we must leave the gathering there for now. This is my question to you: Which language is the superior one? You must answer in all fairness and to the best of your knowledge. If you know the answer and do not speak, your head will shatter into a thousand pieces!”</p>.<p>But Venugopal just kept walking. He had not understood a word of Betal’s long Hindi monologue.</p>
