Grey matters

For long, the burden to conceal those silver strands has fallen disproportionately on women, while grey-haired men are often described as ‘distinguished’. But now, more women than ever before are opting not to dye their hair.

In 2021, Niyati Joshi, the daughter of Bollywood actor Dilip Joshi got married in a lavish ceremony in Nashik. Nothing unusual about it. People get married every day in lavish ceremonies. The bride wore a red saree laden with jewellery. Everything was traditional as traditional can be. Except it wasn’t.

Niyati chose to keep it real with her intricately done hair showing her greys in all their glory. No dyeing. No colouring. And social media was quick to notice. However, far from receiving criticism, Niyati was applauded for her ‘brave’ decision. “Thank you for not hiding your grey hair. Beautiful pictures,” one user wrote on her Instagram. “The bride has the guts to keep her hair grey on her wedding day,” read another comment.

Niyati is just one among a growing number of Indian women who proudly own their grey in a society that has long associated black hair with beauty and grey hair as a decline in that very beauty. Dubai-based therapist Ankita Magdani explains that grey hair bias exists because of a lack of ‘grateful acceptance’ of ageing. “We are tuned to see grey hair as old and frail.” Author Anukrti Upadhyay, whose Hindi novel ‘Neena Aunty’ features a 60-year-old as the protagonist, agrees. “Grey hair in the context of men is a symbol of wisdom. For women, they denote diminished worth,” she notes.

Breaking stereotypes

A Google search for “how to cover grey hair” shows 60,50,00,000 results with many magical products that promise to overturn that grey. There are products from serums to gummies to the ubiquitous hair oil, all designed to cover up every last strand. And the number one ranked page on Google is one that boldly promises “20 Simple Ways to Easily Cover Grey Hair Naturally At Home.”

Clearly, people don’t like grey and are willing to do anything to cover it. And nothing about that fear is new. People have been colouring their hair for thousands of years. Egyptians used henna and juniper berries to dye their hair as far back as 3000 BC! But it wasn’t really until Eugene Schueller, the founder of L’Oreal, invented the world’s first commercial hair dye that colouring really took off. And soon, companies were cashing in on our perpetual fear: the fear of ageing. Today, hair colouring is a huge industry. Market research firm ResearchandMarkets writes that the global hair colourants market is expected to grow at a compounded annual growth rate of 4.5% between 2020-2025, with “increased incidence of grey hair” driving this growth.

Yet, things are changing. Slowly. In 2019, a well-known hair and skincare brand released the hashtag “AapkeBaalAapkiMarzi” or “Your hair, your choice” to break stereotypes around hair. It’s a far cry from earlier ads such as the one with a famous cricketer endorsing its tagline of ‘phir se young’ — a second chance at life after you colour your hair. Celebrities such as Milind Soman and Lara Dutta have shunned stereotypes to show that grey is bold and beautiful. But when it comes to grey, do men have it easier?

Do men have it easier?

Aekta Kapoor, the founder of eShe magazine, believes that is indeed the case. “Men have it easier — my dad, uncles, and most of my male cousins don’t dye, and it’s acceptable. I find this very unfair and discriminatory. I am a bit of a rebel, and I think I subconsciously chose to go grey to push back against this subtle sexism and ageism in my social environment.” Aekta herself says that she started going grey in her early 40s and initially coloured her hair as it ‘bothered’ her. But in September 2014, Aekta came across a hair colour ad that asked, “Why is it that 6 out of 10 people don’t dye their hair when it turns grey?”

Aekta posted a Facebook rejoinder to that ad, writing that greys are normal and beautiful. “So that was when I decided to go grey as nature intended! My hair health and time were more important to me than other people’s opinions. Eight years later, my hair is about 20 per cent grey; it gives a mild salt-and-pepper appearance, which I am comfortable with,” she says.

Anjana Dubey, who runs the blog Sparkling Silvers dedicated to grey hair, started greying in her 20s. She coloured her hair then, “hiding her silvers,” as she explains, before deciding in her 30s that she no longer wanted to appraise herself by the standards of others. “Colouring became a burden for me, and I no more felt any self-satisfaction by doing so. I started thinking, what if I give up colouring? I was thrilled and, at the same time, filled with fear every time. I kept looking for inspiration around me to grab some courage to do so. At the age of 36, I finally made up my mind to gamble on giving up hair dye. And with the support of my husband and the Instagram community, I did it! Now I am dye-free for four years!” she reveals. Sneha Krishna, who runs a Pilates studio, says she coloured her hair for 12 years before finally calling it grey four years ago. “I felt free and that I don’t have to pretend to be who I am not anymore! I felt like I got one step closer to what my true identity was.”

‘This is who I am’

And more women feel that way. Varna Ramaswamy, whose grey curls languidly frame her face, narrates she had some excellent role models in her life: women who wore their grey not only proudly but elegantly. It was her mother who, at 65, decided to ‘emancipate herself’ by growing out her grey and then convincing others in the family to do so. “My dad’s sister wears her hair very short and wonderfully white and is the coolest looking 90-year-old,” she laughs.

For Varna, the decision not to dye came from multiple reasons. Perhaps, it was the environmentalist and cancer survivor in her. Or maybe, it was the need to join the women’s self-care movement. Or it could also have been the desire to obtain some control amidst the seemingly uncontrollable pressure of the pandemic. Either way, she just “decided to live and not to dye” — a decision she says is symbolic of her desire to be herself.

Vanita Sharma, a learning consultant and facilitator, echoes the same thoughts, saying that deciding to stop dyeing came after a period of personal turbulence. “I really needed to embrace myself, embrace my inner journey. I was trying to figure out so many things for myself. The greys make me feel this is who I am.”

“Now, I wear my hair grandly, with a lot of oomph,” she chuckles. “People stop me on the road and ask, ‘Is it real hair!?’” But before that, Vanita admits that she spent years dyeing her hair.

“It was pure vanity that made me colour my hair. If I saw white hair, it made me feel so negative. Like, somehow, I wasn’t grooming myself well.” It’s this pressure that Anukrti also refers to when she says that she is not against women dyeing their hair. “I am against their being pressured to do so or being overlooked, erased, and neglected because of that.”

Owning the colour

This is why it’s remarkable that women are pushing against that pressure and owning what comes to them naturally. But this ownership may come with costs, though. “Undoubtedly, going grey at a young age can be very challenging for a woman. People don’t take it as ‘normal’ and treat such women as a ‘taboo’ in society,” admits Anjana, who also runs an Instagram account (@sparklingsilvers) to document her grey hair transition journey. “Some of my family members and friends disagreed with my decision as they were worried that not dyeing my hair would make me look old and might make my life miserable as society will not take it positively,” she adds. But Anjana is confident that stereotypical standards can be modified by even a few positive examples.

Aekta also says that her family “wasn’t so thrilled” about her choosing to go grey. “My mother and all of my aunts colour their hair even in their 70s and 80s, as do most of my cousins. So, among the women in our family, I am definitely a minority,” she says. Sneha, though, says that the majority of people were supportive of her decision. “The younger lot think it’s hip and cool while the older ones have expressed a desire to have the courage to do the same. Quite a few people have assumed that I have coloured my hair grey/silver!”

A symbolic movement

And that’s not entirely uncommon: The Granny hair trend, where young women deliberately colour their hair grey, is well and truly in. The Instagram account @grombre, part of the movement to embrace the grey, has 245,000 followers sharing their best ‘greyfies’ and deeply touching stories of their grey hair transition. The hashtag #grayhair has more than 470 million views on Tiktok, and #grayhairdontcare has about 140 million. So, is this just new fashion, or is it part of a larger symbolic movement for women to embrace their transformation? Neither says, Aekta. “Embracing greys is an act of gratitude for nature’s blessings and love for yourself.” Going by the thousands of women proudly owning their greys, grey hair, it seems, is not simply a fashion trend or movement, but rather, a call to celebrate authenticity and natural expression.