Handle with kid gloves

When children experience anything that scares them to the core and leaves them scarred and traumatised, they may struggle to express their feelings. Helping them cope with the trauma needs careful handling, writes Swatee Jog

Grief and trauma can be the most challenging experiences that anyone can face. Physical abuse from caregivers, the loss of a parent or loved one at home, the loss of a pet, changing schools and homes, parents fighting at home, an alcoholic father abusing the mother or the kids, natural calamities, riots... anything that scares children to the core leaves them scarred and traumatised. When children experience these events, it can be particularly difficult for them to understand and process what has happened. They may struggle to express their feelings or have difficulty adjusting to their new reality. However, with the right support and guidance from parents and teachers, children can learn how to cope with grief and trauma and move forward in a healthy way.

How kids experience grief & trauma

Children experience grief and trauma differently than adults based on their age and stage of development. They may not have the emotional vocabulary to express their feelings or understand what they are going through. Younger children may not understand the finality of death or the long-term effects of a traumatic event. Adolescents may feel that they need to be strong for their families and may not want to burden others with their own pain but at the same time, they feel helpless to be doing anything. Teenagers try and find their own coping mechanisms which may not always be the right option.

Children who experience grief and trauma may have physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches. They may also struggle with sleep, appetite, and concentration. Some children become extreme recluses while some others turn overactive.

Internalising pain

When children experience grief and trauma, they may internalise their feelings and thoughts. This is because they don’t know how to vent their feelings or even seek help. They may feel like they are alone in their pain or that others do not understand what they are going through. This can lead to feelings of isolation, depression, and anxiety. Children may also feel guilty about what has happened or blame themselves for the event. Such feelings when left unattended, can impact the psyche of a child for life. Internalising grief and trauma can be particularly challenging for children because they may not have the skills or resources to process their emotions effectively. They may not know how to express themselves or seek help from others.

Coping mechanisms in children

Children may use a variety of coping mechanisms to deal with grief and trauma. Some children may withdraw from others and isolate themselves, while others may become angry or irritable. Some children may engage in risky behaviour such as drug or alcohol use, while others may experience physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches. However, not all coping mechanisms are negative. Children may engage in healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, sports, creative activities, or spending time with friends and family. These coping mechanisms can help children process their emotions and build resilience in the face of adversity.

How teachers & parents can help

Parents and teachers are trusted and loved. They can provide emotional support, resources, and guidance to help children process their emotions and adjust to their new reality. Encourage children to speak up about what they feel, their deepest fears and apprehensions. Listen to children without judging them but validating their feelings, and providing a space for them to share their thoughts and emotions.